Yes. This may be the perfect time to do all kinds of experimenting…
BOSSY: So I’ve been doing some experimenting during this quarantine.
QUITTER: So are we talking “I’m trying a winged eyeliner look,” experiment or “I’m building a monster with spare body parts,” experiment? Either way I’d like a picture please.
BOSSY: Well…it’s multiple experiments. Like the first is I really don’t think I need shampoo.
QUITTER: Oh the “no poo” movement. I tried that…but I got confused…and backed up…and smelly. Any noodle…what’s the next experiment, Professor?
BOSSY: What is the average weight gain achieved when eating chips 2-3 times a day? (She asked while eating chips). I feel like this one is important for all of society to understand.
QUITTER: Approximately 2 guinea pigs a week. (All weight gain during the pandemic is measured in guinea pigs. Just an FYI.)
BOSSY: Thank goodness you kept pushing for that method of measurement for all those years. It just took a pandemic but it’s paying off.
Other experiments: How long can I go without talking to someone outside of my household? Can I grown my own lettuce forever? And how bad can I make a 7 year old’s hair look?
QUITTER: And I am sure you used the approved scientific method for everyone of these experiments and submitted your hypotheses for review?
BOSSY: To the review board? Yes. Always. I know protocol.
QUITTER: Thank cheebus for that. All that chip eating would have been nothing otherwise. And also, now you can finally tell people you’ve donated your body to science.
BOSSY: While alive? Yah. Kay.