For our 3.5 fans who noticed……we did not post on our Monday schedule, please see our standard apology here. For those who think every day is Thursday (like us), have a peak at this week’s chat that includes grief, zombies and arranging to move out and live in your van.
BOSSY: Experts say it is normal to go through stages of grief during this quarantine. So question: is there a stage of grief called, “I hate everything” and you experience it on a cycle of every day-ish?
QUITTER: Thank you for finally referring to me as an expert…no wait, I just re-read that, there’s no reference to me being an expert at all. How dare you…where was I? Oh yes, stage of grief. I believe the “I hate everything,” stage comes right after the “I must eat everything,” stage and right before the “Showering is for suckers,” stage.
BOSSY: So it’s normal to hit all those stages in 24hrs? Asking you as a non-expert but decent guesser. Also, when is the stage, “I am preparing my individual departure to live out of the van?”
QUITTER: I feel like the van stage is just a natural part of motherhood, it coincides with the “time to fake my own death,” stage. Strange how they fail to mention any of this in the motherhood/pandemic preparation books.
BOSSY: That really is an untapped market, eh? The mothering during pandemic books? Want to break open the market? The speed in which we work, it will be all set for the 2067 pandemic.
QUITTER: I love your entrepreneurial spirit, matched with my apathy and lack of follow through, 2067 sounds about right. But I think we’ll have to find a way to include a Zombie angle.
BOSSY: Oh man. I don’t feel anywhere near ready to parent during zombies.
QUITTER: Really? I feel all kinds of ready, as long as I can out run at least one person in my family, I’m good…oh wait, I guess that’s not necessarily parenting. Hmmmm….
BOSSY: Well it’s definitely telling of one style of your parenting.
QUITTER: The point is I’m ready to go live in a van and sacrifice you or one of my kids or my husband to Zombies. But not my dog…never my dog. I’m pretty sure there’s the title of our book in there.
BOSSY: Will it have a chapter on dealing with the “I hate everything” stage of grief? Or maybe it’s a chapter where we encourage the daily mantra of “You should hate everything?”
QUITTER: Yes to both. Our book will have everything for everyone, we’ll cover grief, zombies, motherhood, pandemics, snacks, fake ID’s. We’ll be the new Gwyneth Paltrows of the lifestyle circuit, but less fake and but probably more gassy.
BOSSY: I. Am. In