Quarantined Mother’s Day, sharks, and Cher. It will make sense.
BOSSY: You’re first quarantined Mother’s Day. How does it feel?
QUITTER: I think Mother’s Day should be cancelled….no wait, postponed…and then extended to like a week. Who do I take this up with?
BOSSY: Wow. I have no idea who has that sort of authority. Cher? The Rock?
QUITTER: And also I’d like to petition that my performance as a mother over the past several weeks be stricken from the record. I had a strong start at the beginning of all this pandemic stuff, but…well…ya know.
BOSSY: Valid. Nicole Kidman can handle that.
QUITTER: That tracks. She’s hella powerful. Plus she had a shark named after her.
BOSSY: She has a shark named after her? Is it like her full name, like Nicole Mary Kidman is swimming around somewhere? Or is there a shark named Nikki?
QUITTER: Sharks don’t have middle names. I feel like it’s a little culturally insensitive that you didn’t know that.
BOSSY: Nikki would have know that….I bet you she’s a good Mom (the actress and the shark).
QUITTER: Are you implying I’m not as good as a shark mom with that comment…because you’d be correct. I’m no shark.
QUITTER: Wait is that where that F’ing “Baby Shark,” song came from? I blame your little weasel for teaching it to me btw. Baby shark doo doo doo doo doo doo
BOSSY: I’m saying Nicole Mary Kidman has all the facts, as does her name sake, Shark Nikki. Both put us to shame….And are you asking if Shark Nikki wrote a song about sharks? Good bet.
QUITTER: I feel like I’m Keanu Reeves learning about the Matrix with this information…um also, do you think it would still be considered cute if say a 47-year-old woman who can’t get her shit together presented her mother with a poorly hand writer I.O.U. for Mother’s Day? Asking for a friend.
BOSSY: Don’t bother. Just let her know you successfully got it postponed due to your extensive contacts.
QUITTER: Solid advice. See that’s why you’re my legal counsel.