20 Questions One Asks Oneself When Self-Isolating During A Pandemic

Can you relate?

  1. Are families supposed to spend this much time together?
  2. Does my neighbour own that car? Is that a friend? Are they SOCIALIZING?!?
  3. Should I feel more worried? Can I Google what the appropriate amount of worry looks like for a pandemic?
  4. Is my husband trying to trick us into a false sense of calm with all the Disney soundtrack music?
  5. Is it Tuesday? Who do I ask about it being Tuesday?
  6. Did I eat lunch yet?
  7. Can you own too many slacks?
  8. Is it wrong that I start singing “Mock. Ing. Bird, Ya. Ya,” in my head in the middle of video calls with my family?
  9. Who should I speak to about collecting bread tabs?
  10. Did I authorize all these people to live here?
  11. How much “good meat,” does a squirrel have on it? (This is a write in question from Quitter’s husband.)
  12. Do you think this meeting knows that I’m wearing PJ bottoms below this blouse?
  13. Is there any chance this could turn into a zombie thing?
  14. When it arrives, where will I hide the crossbow my partner ordered on Amazon so that he doesn’t hurt himself?
  15. Would poking people with a six foot long, sharpened stick and yelling “back off!” be considered aggressive or social distancing?
  16. Should I be trying to make myself a better person and use this gift of time wisely?
  17. When does a pant become a slack?
  18. Does Amazon ship cheese?
  19. When did we get bongo drums?
  20. What if the kids expect me to teach them math?

Photo by Jules Bss on Unsplash

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