(From The Archives) Quitter for 2020

It’s that time of year again… You know where we all engage in mass delusion and pretend that we can become our best selves for like 72 hours only to come to the startling realization that it takes work and commitment to do make these changes and sticking with things has never been our strong suit, (thus the name,) and maybe a better resolution would just be to accept ourselves as we are in all our subpar glory…and also who threw out the cheez in a can?

Clearly I am losing the plot already here. So without further ado, here is my lack luster list of things I may or may not work on in the coming year.

1. Eat less things in gummy form

I literally just confessed to Bossy that I’ve been living off of “healthy” chips, gummies, coffee and sparkling water. (I know, I could write a diet blog, right?) It’s my go to diet when I have too much going on in my life. But it so doesn’t help my mental state or energy levels. Gotta work on that shit.

2. Learn more old school metal songs on my uke

I keep telling Bossy how I want to up my ukulele game and I think a little Black Sabbath or Pantera would add some nice diversity to our set list. The trouble is that you actually have to know how to play your instrument to perform any of these songs. Who knew heavy metal would be so hard?

3. Be a better daughter

My mom is an amazing woman who I love very much, but I don’t call her nearly enough and I visit even less. Sure we text often and she comes to us a few times times a year, but I know I’m dropping the ball and it’s something I will regret. Great, more shit to work on.

3. Watch better television

No. Really. For someone who went to school for TV I don’t actually watch much. And what I do watch is stuff I’ve seen before (old Seinfeld, early 30 Rock episodes, Brooklyn Nine-Nine over and over. Oh Andy Sandberg how I love you.) But seriously, there is a lot of amazing storytelling happening out there and I needs to be watching it. And I will, just as soon as I re-watch the episode of 30 Rock where Tracy Morgan encourages us all to “Live every week like it’s shark week.”

4. Be slightly less Slob-a-rific

Holy cheebus my house is dirty, like my floors will blacken your socks dirty. I like being tidy, but I’m not so good with the whole mopping/sanitizing thing. What I need is a house elf. (Shout out to the Harry Potter nerds. I know you feel me.)

5. Give several less fucks

And no, I don’t mean this in the sexy times kind of way, but in the caring way less about the things that don’t matter kind of way. I have a habit of getting caught up in the chaos of everyday living and not focusing on the important stuff. (And I’m sorry Mom, I know you think this blog is too sweary, but blogger Mark Manson wrote a book with “Fuck,” in the title and now he’s a gazillionaire.)

Good luck in 2020 peoples of the inter-ma-net. I think we all might need it.

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