(From the Archives) Nothing Says Christmas Like Invasive Questions + 3 New Bonus Questions

You asked the tough, festive question, we answered…

1. What is your general demeanor leading up to the holidays?

Bossy: Rage monster + giddy child

Quitter: Somewhere between a drunk honey badger and an out of work jazz dancer experiencing random fits of narcolepsy. You can picture both. I know you can.

2. What Christmas song could you listen to all day every day and which song makes you shove dynamite in your ears?

Bossy: I could listen to “Christmas Time Is Here” from A Charlie Brown Christmas forever.  “Christmas Shoes” turns me into the cynical, dead-inside beast that I think I truly am.

Quitter: Bing Crosby’s version of “White Christmas,” gives me all the feels because it reminds me of dad. And Mariah Carey can burn in hell for her version of “All I want For Christmas is You.” No Mariah. No. I do not want you for Christmas. Not now. Not ever. Let it go already.

3. Do you have a Christmas movie you must watch every year or you refuse for the holidays to continue?

Bossy: “A Christmas Story”.  When I got to actually speak with the real Ralphie on a conference call, I sweat so profusely that I left permanent palm stains on a boardroom table.

Quitter: “Christmas Vacation.” The sap, the squirrel, the sweaters, Chevy Chase at his stone cold foxiest. That chin…back in ten.

4. Which of your kids get the most excited about Christmas (now or in the past) and how did he/she react? 

Bossy: Not entirely sure yet but it’s definitely not WB.  That kid is so low key.  In enthusiasm, he’s always at a 5.

Quitter: Ummm…so no one in our house gets more excited then my partner. The kids don’t even come close to his level of excitement over presents. And don’t get me started on his menu planning. The rest of us just kind of ride his wave of enthusiasm.

5. How did the “There is no Santa” discussion go down in your house?

Bossy: Only 1 of 3 know so far.  WB told me matter of factly one random summer evening while drying dishes.  Again, he was at a 5.  We moved on fast.

Quitter: It didn’t…at least not from me. When our oldest was eight she just came home from school one day and let me know the whole Santa thing was a pack of lies and one of her younger sisters piped up in agreement. Our third daughter hung in for another year or so, but eventually gave up most likely due to consistently not getting what she asked for Christmas.

6. How did you react when you found out Santa was a ruse? 

Bossy: I cried and cried like a member of my family had died. Christmas was a lie. Magic was a lie. I was a pretty dramatic kid, and yet, I’m still devastated about it.

Quitter: I’m pretty sure I had a child size version of a nervous breakdown for a good 24 hours, but then picked myself up again and strategized on how to best leverage my parental relationship for maximum present output.

7. What smell indicates to you it is Christmas time?

Bossy:Epicure’s Christmas Tea.  I will gladly and freely endorse that cup’o’Christmas.

Quitter: Can’t do just one, I prefer a cornucopia of nose bombardment during the festive season thank you very much. In no particular order they are as follows: gingerbread baking, cinnamon, pine trees, roast beast and strong booze.

8. Where do you see yourself spending your Christmas’s in 10 years from now?

Bossy: I will likely still have children in my home at that point (unless the 13 year-old declares emancipation).  So it will be Groundhog’s Day, but Christmas Day, with hopefully all the same people present.

Quitter: For the love of god and everything that is holy, let it be somewhere warm. Screw the presents, the tree, the lights, peace on earth and good will to men and all that other jazz, just get me out of the cold and snow.

9. What is the best gift you think you’ve ever bought? 

Bossy: It wasn’t a Christmas present but I surprised my then boyfriend, now husband, with ice-level hockey tickets to see the Penguins, his favourite team.  I think he proposed to me in his head on that day.

Quitter: I am a totally shit gift giver. Ask anyone, especially my partner. Quite literally nothing stands out for me on this one. I just randomly buy crap and hope people don’t get angry with me. If that sentiment does not scream Christmas spirit then I have no idea what does.

10. What is your favourite ornament on your tree? 

Bossy: The Mickey ears that remind me of when we took a family trip to Disney and/or the picture of our two cats attempting to eat each other.

Quitter: A tiny, shiny, green pickle.

11. If you were a character in the film “Home Alone”, which character would you be and why? 

Bossy: The creepy Grandpa who does a heck of a lot of shoveling and was born for anger.

Quitter: Is there a character that is grumpy and drinks too much Christmas punch? I haven’t seen this movie in ages, but I’m guessing most people would pick the Daniel Stern, stupid thief character as my alter ego.

12. If given the chance, would you actually eat figgy pudding?

Bossy: When has pudding ever been wrong?

Quitter: I don’t think it’s been a lack of opportunity keeping me away from figgy pudding. Perhaps you should have phrased this question as “How drunk would you have to be to eat a fiddy pudding?” or “How much money would have to be on the table for you to eat figgy pudding?”

13. If you were hired as a mall Santa, what would be your signature saying?

Bossy: “I see you when you’re sleeping, Timmy.  I see you.”

Quitter: “You better not pee on me ya little jerk.”

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