It took me a whole year to be okay with sharing this one.
As good as this past summer has been for me, last summer almost shattered me into a thousand tiny pieces. The moral of this story is that life is hard and shitty at times…but not always.
Sometimes life is really f’ing hard. Like so hard you want to fake your own death, leave everything and everyone you’ve ever known behind and start a new life for yourself in Ecuador under the new name “Esmeralda Greenbottom.” (Or perhaps that’s only something I fantasize about.)
Either way, last summer sucked the big one. From our beloved dog getting diagnosed with terminal cancer, to my husband losing his job, to my oldest daughter moving out on a whim and finding herself involved with dangerous people, to my mom being life threateningly ill, to one of my closest friends dealing with some serious medical issues, last summer I woke up almost every morning feeling like I’d been kicked in the groin repeatedly. Yup, the summer 2018 can go f’ itself as far as I’m concerned.
So why didn’t I run off to begin my new life as Esmeralda the Ecuadorian organic farmer? Good question. A lot of the time it really did seem like my best option.
But then I remembered what I’ve learned from past groin kicks. Life is about learning and growing and evolving. And although often brutal, life’s strongest teachers are pain and loss. At least that’s been my experience so far.
So rather then run, or ignore, or whine, or try to control, I surrendered and looked for the lessons life was offering me. I chose to become more resilient and accept that hurting is part of the human experience, that loss is inevitable, that uncertainty is the only thing that is certain and that the people we love most will make mistakes and our job is to continue loving them anyway.
These lessons don’t feel nice, and sometimes I need to be exposed to them over and over again until I get what I’m supposed to be learning. And sometimes the best I can do is put one foot in front of the other and trust that life won’t always be like this. I’ve lived long enough to know that pain and sorrow don’t last forever.
But just to be on the safe side I’ve enrolled in a beginner Spanish class.