Salty, Stingy Tears and Misty Water Coloured Memories (I’m Not Crying, You’re Crying)

Okay, full disclosure, if feelings make you uncomfortable you may not want to read this post, because today I am bringing out all the “Mama,” feels.

I didn’t plan on being this blubbering mess of a human while writing today. In fact when Bossy proposed we do a “Back to School,” post I literally said “pfft…too easy, give me 20 minutes and I’ll be done.” But now, here I am, just a mom drowning in her own snot, looking at pictures of her little girls on their first day of kindergarten thirteen years ago and thinking about them starting their final year of high school in just a few days. Damn you BOSSY!

So what’s a nostalgic mother to do? Easy, take a stroll down Ol’ Memory Lane and share some wonderfully embarrassing memories of my sweet girls.

Grade 1 – JJ can’t remember a single name of any of her new classmates for weeks leading her to just give up and refer to everyone as “friend.”

Grade 2 – Sassy Pants leads the pack with her interest in sex education and asks her teacher if the sperm should go in the mouth or the bum to make a baby.

Grade 3 – JJ creates a diorama depicting early indigenous life that is unintentionally haunting and alarming for it’s use of clay figures that accidentally have become terribly disfigured from being left in the window and melting in the hot sun.

Grade 5 – Sassy Pants continues her fervent interest in sex ed and carries a book around about bodies and puberty showing people pictures of what stage she believes their bodies are at.

Grade 6 – Sassy Pants toys with a life a crime by breaking into the library. We remind her that the books are free.

Grade 7– Sassy Pants has her first boyfriend. A stunning creature nicknamed “Bubbles,” presumably for his thick glasses. His hygiene could be better.

Grade 8 – JJ is hit hard by the puberty fairy and is disgruntled to discover that this “stupid period thing,” doesn’t come just once, but every freakin’ month.

Grade 9 – JJ develops a rather frightening persona to ward off unwanted male attention which leads to numerous conversations with her teachers about her calling everyone “jerk,” and threatening to punch them in the face.

Grade 10 – Sassy Pants most likely sends a bully to therapy by asking her if the reason she’s mean to everyone is because she has such a sad heart.

Grade 11 – JJ tells her bus driver off for not stepping in when behaviour is getting out of control on the bus.

Grade 11 – Sassy Pants encounters every girls worst nightmare and bleeds through her pants at school only to respond with “it’s just bodies,” when classmates respond in horror.

Holy crap! I just realized I am raising two total bad asses. I am so proud. I’m still crying, but really I am so very proud.

And now onto their final year…

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