That will get us a good boost in followers, sexually mislead by the title.
Bossy – Did you know this year marks our 20 year friendaversary? Bonus points if you remember the month we met each other cuz I do not.
Quitter – Are you serious? How could you not have this marked on your calendar? How are we friends? I’m just messing with ya. As usual I had no clue. I thought we were somewhere near the “twelveteen,” mark.
As for the moment I went from thinking you were a jerk mcJerk face to kind of okay, well there is the whole “Karen for a Pants Free Nation,” incident that I’ve posted about before. But there were glimmers of hope before that, none that I can remember in full detail. Full transparency here, school was kind of a blurry time for me. Make of that what you will. But I can recall one incident in particular after college that really warmed me to you in particular…and you won’t like it, so of course I am going to talk about it. It was when you had a horrible bout of intestinal trouble on our trip to the East Coast when we were in our mid-twenties. I think we were in PEI at the time. For some reason you having a horrendous case of the shits made me like you more. So aren’t you glad you almost pooped yourself?
Bossy – How nice of you to share that.
As I wrote about here, I can remember the instance we met but not the month.
It was funny cuz in school, we did all this creative shit together, like the time you wrote me into the character of a matriarch of a trailer park trash family (BEFORE the demographic became popular comedic fodder on TV, I might add) and the time we stayed up together for 24hrs editing your documentary on drag queens (we experienced extreme exhaustion madness that night). And those two times are a few of so many but I look back and remember thinking you were a friend and someone I had grown to like, but not a close friend.
Actually, chewing gummy bears into body parts and making new and multi-coloured bears during that insane 24hr edit night likely marked when I decided you weren’t the worst.
And that pants free nation post still gets read, cuz you know – the perverts.
Quitter – Why do you think our friendships has lasted 20 years? We both generally dislike people so why have we tolerated each other for so long?
Bossy – I think both of us need friendships that are heaped in understanding. Both of us require alone time but in a switch, lots of friend time. I never worry if you go MIA cuz I know you just need to get your shit organized be it mentally or day-to-day shit or just cuz you need alone time but I know you will re-emerge when ready. Actually, we may want to come up with some sort of code word cuz if you legit are kidnapped, I wouldn’t contact the authorities for 2 to 3 months. Your partner might suggest 24hrs is long enough for a missing person’s case but I would question his ability to find you within your shared home.
Quitter – Look at you bringing all the feels. How dare you? Don’t you know by now that my sweet spot is being a smartass and feelings make me all kinds of twitchy? Fine. I’ll be real. Bossy is great. That’s why were still friends after two decades. And I mean that sincerely. She is probably one of the best humans I have ever met. My favourite thing about her is her very low expectations of me. I like her almost as much as I like dogs and cheese and that is really saying something.
Quitter – But confession time: What drives you nuts about me? You go first and then I’ll air my grievances.
Bossy – This is going to sound like bullshit but there really isn’t anything. The only time I think I’ve felt irked was when we were attempting to get together with our bigger group of friends and you bowed out, “refusing” to make the time. But I think that was likely jealousy for your ability to say “No” – too much going on. I would likely be near full on meltdown before I would know how to say “No”.
Quitter – You lie. It’s cool with me, but you lie. Let’s face it. I kinda suck a lot of the time. I am late all the time. And not just arriving places but with getting shit to you for this blog. I talk a lot and often don’t make sense. Sometimes I drink all the fizzy wine and play my ukulele non-stop while you’re trying to write. And I start all kinds of crazy things and never follow through. Now onto my list of grievances for you. 1) You make me re-write things and don’t let me half-ass it. 2) You eat like crazy healthy. 3) You are not as obsessed with the ukulele as I’d like you to be. 4)You’re karaoke version of “Dead or Alive,” by Bon Jovi is 42% better then mine.
Bossy – How do you think our friendship has morphed over the years? Especially pre and post kids?
Quitter – Goodness we have been through some shit haven’t we? Pre-kids we were all about bringing the funny and having a good time. No one threw a better Christmas party then ol’ Bossy. Man those were the best. But I actually think having families drew us closer. Marriage and parenting can be a white knuckle hell ride that makes you question your sanity. Having a friend like Bossy to go through it with and find the humour in the chaos makes all the difference.
Bossy – Watching you go through the process of getting your girls felt like such an honour to be a part of. It taught me a lot about what the definition of family truly is, as clichéd as that sounds. I agree; I think we became closer as Mom’s, especially since we parent and see the role of “parent” so similarly. Because we had such a good friendship before, that ebbed and flowed in terms of when we spoke or saw each other, there wasn’t this hard transition where one of us expected more frequent communication or visiting and wasn’t getting it after the babes came. In an odd ways, our relationship stayed the same, just more time talking about weirdo little people and less about how much we like gnomes.
Quitter – Do you think our friendship would have changed if our partners didn’t like each other?
Bossy – The bromance between our men folk is actually quite gross. They get along too well. It definitely helps when seeing you does not mean I always have to leave Hubby at home. And even though there is an age gap, our kids thankfully get along quite well too. I do have friends that I legit cannot hang out with when they have their kids around. I feel like a butt for saying that, but it’s true.
Quitter – Oh God the bromance. It’s for real. Sometimes I just feel like we should get a duplex and they can live on one side and we’ll live on the other. (And the kids can make forts and live outside like Lord of the Flies.) But weirdness aside I am really thankful for how well our families get along. I’m sure we’d still be friends regardless, I’d just have to lie constantly about where I was going, even though everyone would know I was going to see you.
Quitter – What do you think our friendship will look like 40 years from now?
Bossy – I’m fully prepared that if I want to see you regularly, I’ll have to join on whatever vagabond adventure you’re experiencing. That will be your jam, even in your 80’s. I am fully convinced even in your 80’s you’ll have rotting pickles in your purse just in case the need to diorama hits you.
So I’ll be your vagabond mate for stints at a time and then I’ll need normalcy and routine and will wither away to emerge when the money from this writing nonsense permits me more fun money (hint, hint, interweb – where ma moenay?).
Quitter – I like your version. Can I steal it? I can foresee a time where we’re not friends and not getting into shenanigans together. You are the healthy peanut butter to my nutrient lacking jam. The Teller to my Penn. The baby to my beluga. Wait? Where am I going with this. Oh ya. Bottom line. Two brightly coloured scooters with sidecars. I’ll have a pug with a goggles and a leather cap riding with me and you’ll have a three legged, overweight cat with a smoking problem riding shotgun with you. That’s how I envision us riding off into the sunset.
Bossy – Wait. Are you saying you can’t be my friend because of salad?
Quitter – Do you think writing together has strengthened our friendship or made it harder? How so?
Bossy – We’ve morphed somewhat into business partners and take this writing pretty seriously, even if, say, we wrote this particular post a mere 2 hours before it was going to be posted. It has meant we’re in touch regularly, which I like, cause your notes are always whacked and make me smile. It’s also kept me accountable which is what I needed in my writing. But friendship wise, I think it’s made it stronger. A lot of our writing is an attempt to figure out this experiment called “living” and I think when you work towards something with another person, both in the writing and in the figuring shit out, it makes you bond stronger.
Or there’s stabbing. There could one day be a mild stabbing.
Quitter – So what you’re saying is that I should wear that shirt that already has blood stains on it.
All joking aside, working on this blog with you Bossy has been a huge gift. I have always loved writing, but never finish a goddamn thing and then you proposed this. I know deep down it would have never worked with anyone else. No one can kick my ass like you do. No one can tell me what I have just written is a pile of crap like you do and there isn’t a single other human in the world I would want to be in contact with as much as I am with you. So yes, the writing has strengthened our bond. As a symbol of our enduring friendship I think we should have shirts made. Or maybe hats. Or maybe both. Wait, that sounds like a lot of work. I don’t even like hats. Okay. Just the shirts.