Quitter’s Got that Summertime, Summertime Slothdom

Tonight I offered my kids twizzlers, old lunchmeat and wrinkly tomatoes for supper…

Yup. You read that right. I’m killing it in the parenting department yet again. But in my defense, good god am I tired.

It’s June and the tank is empty. I gots nothing left to give and I can’t pretend any more.  I know last week I was full of hope and promise about the summer that could be, but now I’m more pragmatic and just desperately want us all to move into no school/sloth mode where we all officially agree to fend for ourselves and never wash our feet.

And to expedite our path to summer “slothdom,” I have created a list of things I am prepared to let slide with anyone living in my home:

Regular Meals: I will buy the food. You will eat the food. No further discussion needed.

Wearing Clean Clothes/ Living in a Bathing Suit: If you want to wear the same pizza stained shirt for weeks on end and a bathing suit as shorts, fine. Just don’t expect me to be seen with you. (This one is directed towards my husband more then the kids.)

A Set Time to Go to Bed: Anyone in our house may feel free to stay up unit 2am watching Korean soap operas provided that I, (A) Never have to watch them and, (B) Get to go to bed at a decent hour, have at ‘er.

Arguing About Whether Swimming Replaces Showering: For the months of July and August I will concede that if you’ve been in some kind of body of water in the last two days that constitutes taking care of your personal hygiene. (However, this can be put to a family vote if a person begins to smell like cheese.)

Giving a Crap About World Events: Avert your eyes Bossy, I know this may hurt your heart to read this, but for a few blissful weeks I plan on ignoring the world around me and living like a mole person or a hobo and/or someone who consumes zero media. I just need to pretend that everything is okay for a while and that we’re not all going to hell in a hand basket. I promise to get back on the care wagon in September.

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One thought on “Quitter’s Got that Summertime, Summertime Slothdom

  1. You would be the perfect candidate to own one of those underground bunker things. Not just a dingy damp one with a 6 watt lightbulb swinging from the ceiling. Yours would be one of those funky fabulous ones from the 60s that looks like the set of Fantasy Island.
    Keep in mind that the door would lock only from the inside, so you can keep society out. Though be prepared that when you eventually do emerge from your subterranean oasis, the apes may have taken over the world. Just saying……..

    Like

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