Quitter’s Week Like A Punch in the Face

I think it’s fair to say your week is going to be shit when it starts with your cervix breaking a surgical instrument. At the very least it sets a tone. And that tone is crap. Honestly, had I’d known what the rest of the week had in store for me I’d have waved my middle finger in the air at it and everyone involved and stayed in bed until it was over.

Here’s the breakdown:

Monday – vaguely shitty medical appointment (You know the kind, where they say well we’re just not sure what’s going on here, let’s wait and see.)

Tuesday – partner has an existential breakdown and insists on asking me what it all means at 10:30pm at night mid “Lucifer-fix.” (It must have been important because he knows better then to mess with my “Tom Ellis,” time.)

Wednesday – the stupid f’ing printer refuses to print my awesomeness for my writing workshop leaving me looking like an empty handed chuckle head and also making me a colossal forty minutes late for my dinner date with Bossy.

Thursday – finding out we owe all kinds of money in property taxes, which puts our plan to deal with our rotting deck off for another year. (We may need to get people to sign a waiver before standing on it.)

Friday – thinking I finally have a day to myself with no work, husband or kids only to find out that it’s a PA day. Kids are home and have invited friends over. Great. Just great.

Saturday – coming home from work to be greeted by our sweet, but crazy new pup who has gotten into all of the toilet paper, (we’re talking Costco size,) destroyed a cell phone and a go pro camera.

Sunday – deciding the only way to move forward from this shit week is to eat ALL the cinnamon buns only to deeply regret it as the carb coma makes the rest of the day feel like I’m moving through gelatin with gross chunks of fruit in it.

By the power of Grey Skull please let this week be better.

 

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9 thoughts on “Quitter’s Week Like A Punch in the Face

  1. Next time put the kids’ friends on the deck and hope it collapses. They will never come back – EVER.

    You deserve every last one of those cinnamon buns. Did they have the cream cheese frosting on them ? Those are the ultimate.

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    1. These are all solid plans. I appoint you my new life coach. This position also includes handling all potential lawsuits. Hope you have fancy pants for court. And yes to the cream cheese icing. Always yes to cream cheese icing.

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  2. Oh there will be waivers provided for them to sign before stepping onto the deck.
    The thing is that they will be written in cursive so they will have no idea what it says.
    Being teenagers, they won’t question it and will mindlessly sign it anyways – so as to look cool in front of their friends.

    We will get extra cinnamon buns to lure them out on the deck, where you will promptly lock the door behind them.

    I do believe my dastardly plan will work…….with you as my faithful sidekick.

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  3. Wow Quitter! Life threw you 7 days of surprises, my favorites being Saturday with the wonders a pup can bring into your life and Sunday, your proactive approach to dealing with the other 6 days, the “F …. it, let’s eat something sweet” plan. I really like your ability to laugh at life. I think I’ll practice that more! 🙂

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    1. Laugh, scream, swear. I do it all. And as crazy making as our lovely pup is, she is also my island of sanity. Now if she could just stop eating my shoes I could walk to the store for more cinnamon buns.

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