You don’t have to say it, I know when you look at me I scream professional athlete… But for serious, if any of the things I list below some how ended up being in the Olympics I’d definitely medal in at least three of them.
- Anything related to ingesting a shit-ton of gummy products (including blue sharks, worms and, in a pinch, gummy vitamins.)
- Dances inspired by everyday activities (washing dishes, vacuuming, folding the laundry.)
- Messing up song lyrics and then insisting that’s how the song actually goes. (Gold medal in this event, no question. I have forever ruined “Come on Eileen,” for at least six people.)
- Not responding to phone calls, emails, texts and all other forms of communication. (I can’t say this enough, “Boo people!”)
- Not making eye contact. (I’ve trained for like 46 years on this one…so ya know the gold is pretty much mine…so long as I don’t have to look the medal presenter in the eye.)
- Buying people I love awesome birthday cards and then forgetting to send them. (I am the worst. So I definitely deserve a medal for that.)
- Not knowing how to play a single video game. (I think this is the thing I’m proudest of.)
- Talking about how awesome dogs are. (They are awesome.)
- Eating a lot of cheese and then not so quietly regretting it. (My partner may deserve a medal for sharing a bathroom with me and my cheese loving butt.)
- Playing and singing “Eye of the Tiger,” on my uke. (It’s so my jam. What can I say? I AM the eye of the tiger. And it IS the thrill of the fight.)
And that’s it. Man that was exhausting. I need a nap. Oh ya napping. I could rock that too.