Why, do we as women, rarely ask for help? In discussion, Quitter and I relate it to……controlling tendencies and what asking for help says about how we, as women, are handling the juggle of life. Perfectionism, if you will.
So when you as a woman, give the middle finger to society and say, “I need the troops,” you are crossing a boundary into vulnerable territory. You wear a red, flashing beacon of “That mother is failing” (such stupid sentiments, aren’t they?…for another time).
But you’re out there, flashing beacon and all, begging your sister, Mom, neighbour, friend to save you from parental drowning. I recently threw out the “help me please” life preserver. I got a, “Sorry. No.”
Now pause. This person has absolutely every right to say no. She has other responsibilities, commitments and roles. We as woman are told repeatedly that we need to say “no” more often.
But when the request for help comes from a Mom, asking for a night out or whatever small moment alone will recharge her for months, saying “no” pulls the life preserver away. Almost every Mom I know asks for help only in moments of desperation, when they have no other options or when they know their breaking point is seconds away.
So what do we do, Mom Tribe?
I think the answer always has to be a “Yes”. Seriously – always.
Maybe you can’t do exactly as what was asked, but what can you offer instead? Another date or another scenario? Say “No” to the parent council or your company fundraiser or your Sister who wants to shop for an afternoon. If your Mom friend asks for help, that means desperate times.
Because Mom’s: if we want to break the stigma of what asking for help implies, we have to also support our Mom friends who traverse that scary road and let them know we, the village, are here.