Operation Snout: Quitter’s Plan to Smuggle A Pig Into Her House

After the loss of her sweet fur baby Cali, Quitter’s been trolling the animal shelter’s to find a new family pet. And then she spotted her heart’s desire…
Blame Herman. No really. It’s all his fault. Not mine.

A Charming Pig

Whose Herman you ask? He’s just one hell of a photogenic potbelly pig currently residing in an animal shelter waiting for someone to take him home. And I want to be that person. I NEED TO BE THAT PERSON. All it took was seeing his sweet snout on “petfinder,” to rekindle my long held secret desire that I’d almost forgotten I’d had. I want to have a house pig.

The Fly in the Ointment

There’s just one problem. My partner does not share this desire. In fact I would go so far as to say he is vehemently against the idea of a pig living in our home and, if I’m being 100% honest, most likely sharing our bed. (He’d be lonely otherwise and that’s just not cool.)

A Plan is Afoot

But have no fear. I have a plan. Of course most of it involves bizarre flights of fancy and regaling my partner with weird pig related facts. But it’s still a plan, so hear me out.

Herman the Therapy Pig

When I’m not writing craziness on the inter-ma-web, I work with individuals with developmental disabilities and do some private counseling. Herman could be part of that. I mean, what would put someone more at ease then a little, pink snout nuzzling their leg as they poured their heart out. And pigs are hypoallergenic and non-aggressive, which makes them perfect therapy animals. (Full disclosure, none of this information is based on actual research, unless you count watching the movie “Babe,” twenty times research. If you count that, then this data is sound.)

Pigs are Smart, Clean and Awesome

Okay, so unlike my previous claim I know that these statements are true. Pigs don’t shed, can be trained to use a litter box like a cat, are far smarter then dogs and can learn all kinds of cool things. (Yet again, I haven’t actually researched any of this, but I’m pretty sure that at some point I read something somewhere that would probably back this up.) And pigs are awesome because…well come on…they’re like super cute…have you seen their little trotters?

The Cool Factor

What could be cooler then having a pet pig? Seriously. Everyone has dogs or cats or hamsters or komodo dragons, but having a pig, that would set us apart. And although I don’t love the idea of extra attention or talking to strangers, my partner loves that kind of thing. He’s all about the chatting and being an early adopter of cool stuff. I’ll just tell him that it’s just a matter of time before everyone gets on the pig bandwagon and we could be one of the first. He’ll be all over it because he loves to be ahead of the curve. Ya, that could work. Maybe I’ll lead with this in my “I must have a house pig,” argument.

The Ol’ Ask for Forgiveness Instead of Permission Ploy

If all else fails, the girls and I will secretly go pick up Herman the pig and bring him home when my partner isn’t around. Then when he inevitably starts asking questions about the pig that seems to have moved in I’ll start with “What, Herman? Didn’t you say you were okay with us getting a house pig?” And “Wasn’t it actually your idea?” And then move onto “Oh, I’m so sorry. I must have misunderstood. I really am sorry, but he’s here now. And have you seen how cute he is?”

The Path of Least Resistance Always Leads to a House Pig

And finally I will bank on the fact that like the majority of us, my husband will simply find it to be too much effort to rehome or return our house pig and resign himself to the ongoing life of crazy that is being married to me.

Yup. Solid plan. This could really work. I’m glad I thought of it.

Operation snout is in full effect. I’ll keep you posted.

Photo Credit: Quinte Humane Society

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3 thoughts on “Operation Snout: Quitter’s Plan to Smuggle A Pig Into Her House

  1. My solution given to Bossy’s obsession to own a pet also applies to any and all species of the animal kingdom. Feel free to apply it to your own burning pet desires.
    Welcome Herman ! You’re gonna be the rock star of the neighbourhood !


  2. Super cool, a pig for a pet! How big will he/she get? According to some xperts, pigs are indeed intelligent and can do the following:

    “Pigs can manipulate a remote control to get the result they want.
    Pigs are able to memorize long journeys in search of something they already know (They have a great memory).
    Pigs can decipher enigmas through a mirror that reflects an image.
    In persecution games with two pig individuals, when one pig figures out the enigma, the other pursues: but the first tries to deceive the other, in order to obtain all of the reward for itself.”

    These types of skills are positioned by experts on an equal leveled scale to human brain development from a 3 year old. Some have even argued that pigs are smarter than dogs!” https://www.animalwised.com/how-intelligent-are-pigs-2792.html

    Ha! More good reasons to have a pig as a pet!


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