The Chair Held Together By A Sweater – A Bossy Story

In my house there is a chair.It is a cloth covered, office chair.  It is from approximately 1982.  This week I realized it was being held together by a sweater.  With an office in the basement and a house that’s kept cool, I like to keep a sweater at the ready when a chill comes on.  This week, when I took the sweater off, the entire back of the chair fell to the floor.

This is a running theme in my household.

I have a hole under my front door that I’m pretty sure I could stick my fist through and am awaiting a family of skunks to use as an entryway.  Or rabbits – who are currently living under my shed due to another fist-size hole.  I have a fence that’s being held up by a rope and a vampire stake, driven into the centre of my yard.  I have a blender that only works if you put your entire body mass on it.  I have a bench held together by duct tape; a laundry rack held together by duct tape; a book bag held together by duct tape.

I have a dining room set that I have to warn guests not to sit on the screws.

And I’m overall confused.

I have incredibly put together friends.  They keep a clean house.  They don’t have to warn me to mind my step for fear I’ll step into the linoleum pothole.

I want to be them, but I truly, with all my being, do not know what their secret is to a clean, danger-free, well-organized house.

Some have on occasion confessed to housecleaners.  Others have OCD husbands who are more prone to care then mine (not that HH doesn’t care…he just has to be reminded that he cares or his caring tends to take a quick 5).

And I struggle with how much I myself care and how much I don’t.  I think I would likely want to spill something if I lived in Martha Stewart’s house or at the very least unfold and re-shove in some towels in the linen closet as I don’t really do perfect.  But on the reverse, I have had the experience of seeing what the house of a hoarder looked like and it gave me anxiety eczema.

I think my goal has 5 steps:

Step 1: Clean.  Not spotless but closer to clean than infectious.

Step 2: Organized.  If we own five drills because we can’t find the last 4, it means we’re failing.

Step 3: Family Friendly. While not giving the impression that every room has been taken over by plastic and toddlers.

Step 4: Relatively Modern.  I don’t want to spend my life chasing trends but I also don’t want to wake up one day, have to sell my house and realize for that to happen in a timely and immediately affordable way, I would be better off just exploding it.

Step 5: Not Falling Apart.  If the list of things that needs repair is longer than my thigh, it means it is time to give up and move into a car.

I have zero idea of how I can actually accomplish this 5 Step program and that is why I am looking to our readers for advice.  If you are happy with the state of your home, what is your secret?  Do you have a man servant?  Are you a minimalist and only own 1 pillow?  Or are failing also but you wear your failure with pride and denial?

Thank you in advance for the suggestion and support.  I want the next 12 months to be the year of the clean, organized, welcoming, current and repaired and I will gratefully accept any advice that makes that happen.

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