An Introduction to Quitter…lies and partial truths…
Quitter was raised on a farm in rural Burbank. Her family, squirrel farmers, used to call Quitter, “Who You?” as both parents suffered from short term memory loss and forgot they had children. Her brother, a for real life superhero that inspired ALL the Marvel comics, was killed at the age of 20 from a bird attack. He may have been taunting them – sources are mixed.
At the age of 8, Quitter was recruited by a travelling mail carrier to carry her sack across the lion riddled terrain of Burbank. Feeling a kinship with the lions, Quitter quit her sack carrying job after the first 40 feet and moved in with the lions WAY BEFORE Jane Goodall got the idea.
After frequently being confused for a mobile sandwich (at least that is what Quitter inferred when she asked the lions “Am I a mobile sandwich to you?”), Quitter opened up “The Home For Only Cute Orphans”. She was still just 8.
After the home was closed for “lack of participation”, Quitter hired a rickshaw driver to take her across the ocean to the United Kingdom so she could study the differences between the United Kingdom, Great Britain and England. Still…boringly just 8.
From here, the historical accuracy of Quitter’s life is unfortunately vague as she took a vow of silence for 37 years. But upon returning to Canada, this is what we learned:
- Quitter made all of this up and was raised in Northern Ontario. She has two brothers, both cool, but not superhero cool. Her parents usually remembered her name.
- Her childhood was spent in the cadets, with foster kids her parents supported and with a squirrel she named “Tim”.
- She moved away from home at the age of 18 to attend the University of Ottawa. She spent a lot of money on drugs and beer but graduated with a Degree in English, which she proceeded to use by working as a nanny in BC. She did not carry an umbrella, but did possess an “If you need time alone with your junk” tent.
- She moved back to Ontario to attend Television Broadcasting and had a run-in with one particular Bossy lady.
And the rest, well, is not history. You just need to wait and read all about it.